Dreaming
by laveniis
Summary: Ivan would always dream of a romance that was never his. Oneshot.


**yea so i had like zero ideas for a good rochu fic so i asked my friend and she gave me the most painful plot idea im so mad at her oh my god**

**anyway apologies for mistakes and whatnot im a dumb writer and dont proofread cos im lazy pls forgive me guys**

**ivan and yao belong to himaruya hidekaz**

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He had just been walking home, he swore, when he had felt strange for a moment then lost control of his body. Well not completely, he was still walking home but he wasn't telling himself to move. Something else was, and he could not figure what was happening. As Ivan slumped down in a chair in his home, he eventually came to the conclusion he had been possessed by some wandering spirit, as much as he didn't want to think that. But sadly it was the only conclusion he could come to because he couldn't speak aloud anymore. He could only think about things, he couldn't even feel anymore. The spirit had complete control over everything except for his consciousness.

Ivan was thankful though, the spirit seemed to know how to take care of a human body, so he wasn't wasting away. Perhaps the spirit was simply hanging around until it found someone better to possess, since he wasn't that much of a human anyway. He believed he was just a mere temporary vessel for the invisible creature, and that it would one day leave.

Ivan Braginski was his name, he was of Russian descent. He had two sisters back in Russia, but he had moved away a long time ago to escape the harshness of the cold weather and the lack of life. He was a very lonely man, usually accidentally scaring off any potential friends. He didn't understand why everyone always seemed to run off, he probably said or did something strange. Or maybe it was because he was Russian? He didn't know at all. But he was aware he did have violent tendencies when angered, and that had always been a problem for him. Oh, he was ever-so lonely, in his little house just outside of the town. If only someone would love him, just once would be nice. Ivan wanted to know what if felt like to have someone love him and hold him. But he had always been a wishful thinker, unfortunately.

That was until today, when the spirit seemed to decide there wasn't enough food and made its way into town using his body as transport. It was a common occurrence; the spirit was quite gluttonous when it came to food. Ivan was sure he had gained a few kilos since being possessed. The creature seemed to be in the mood for buying vegetables, as they made their way towards the little shop that sold them. It seemed the real shopkeeper was out today, as there stood a woman. But then they turned around, and Ivan realised it was just a very feminine looking man. He had long, dark hair and a very loud voice, and he seemed to be Asian.

"Uh, excuse me," ah yes, the spirit had so much control that he could make him talk. How brilliant. "I'd like to buy three carrots, some broccoli and also some spinach." Ivan asked, well, the spirit asked. But he supposed it was him asking since it was his voice. The man stopped his noisy chattering, looking up to him. He seemed to study his facial features, which Ivan found to be kind of rude. After a moment longer of staring, he nodded, collecting the requested items for Ivan. The little man did not hand over the food until he handed over the money, which Ivan found kind of amusing.

As he and the spirit had turned to leave the little shop, the dark haired man had asked him to wait. Ivan turned back around, giving him a confused look. Then he asked what his name was, and the spirit told him 'Ivan' and the small man replied by saying his own name was 'Yao'. Ivan then smiled at him, gave him a small wave and began to move away. But Ivan still felt Yao's eyes on his back as he moved off, and it was nice, strangely.

They met again a few days later, when Ivan had returned to town to pick out more food. Yao had called out to him, running over and walking beside him. Ivan was sure the spirit was somewhat confused, listening to Yao ramble on, but Ivan himself listened to every word. It was just like having a friend, even though he knew Yao only liked the spirit's personality, and would probably not like his own personality. Eventually they parted ways, Yao muttering something about having to go help out at the shop. Ivan was very happy now, and did not mind the spirit controlling his body if he got to listen to Yao's lovely voice.

Once again they met the same way, this time Yao invited Ivan to come with eat him and he was happy because the spirit accepted. Perhaps it had taken some sort of liking to Yao too? What a nice thought, they'd get to spend more time with each other! Yao had brought very nice food; he said he had cooked everything himself. It was by far some of the best food he had ever been able to taste, even though he wasn't really eating it himself. They sat underneath a tree, talking and laughing like good friends and it warmed Ivan's heart. It was so, very nice. Oh, how he wished Yao was actually his friend and not the spirit's friend. Yao eventually said he had to go, and he vanished into the town and Ivan and the spirit returned home.

Again and again they met, over and over in the same way. Ivan's heart felt warmer and warmer every time he saw or heard the cheerful man. It was like the sun had finally been shone upon his frozen and lonely heart. Yao always seemed to be so happy to see him too, and it was so nice. As the days progressed on, Ivan came to the conclusion one night that he was in fact in love with this feminine, vegetable selling man. Neither he nor the spirit was aware, but Yao felt the same way that Ivan did. But, the spirit felt nothing, and was beginning to become bothered by Yao's presence, and Ivan could just tell it was aching to leave.

The next time they ate together, Yao was acting far more friendly with Ivan, and the spirit didn't know what to do. It was certainly terrified when Yao had grabbed Ivan by his scarf and yanked him into a kiss. It was so nice, this feeling of love. Sadly for Ivan, the spirit freaked out and told Yao he had somewhere to be and took off. And Ivan knew it was all over.

Morning came and the spirit and Ivan wandered into town, and the first chance it got, the spirit jumped bodies. Ivan felt all the feeling return to him, stumbling due to the sudden control returning to him and falling over. He heard a worried cry, from the man he was head over heels in love with. Yao tried to help him up, and Ivan let him do so. What was he supposed to say to Yao? His mouth was open but no words were coming out. The little man looked at him in confusion, then smiled and asked him if he was well. Ivan nodded, remaining quiet and cursing his shy behaviour. He kept trying to speak after that as they walked, but he couldn't find any words.

He had never been good with people.

The two continued on, Yao yammering away like there was no tomorrow. Ivan did not mind though, he did not have to speak and he just got to listen to Yao's sweet voice. That was until of course Yao started asking him questions about himself and he actually had to answer him. He started stuttering, weakly answering the questions and shying away. He ended up shaking his head so his hair shifted and covered his eyes, and pulled his scarf up over his mouth due to an old habit of his. Ivan wanted to do something romantic, like silence him with a kiss, but he couldn't even stand close to him without getting extremely nervous. Yao asked him if he was alright and he nodded quickly. But he knew Yao was very confused, not able to understand why the outgoing man was suddenly too scared to even stand near him. Ivan wanted to punch himself in the face for being so embarrassing.

After a little more walking, Yao muttered he had work to do and ran off. Ivan sighed sadly, turning back towards his lonely home outside the little town.

Yao was much harder to spot in town after that event, and it saddened Ivan greatly. Not that he could blame the man, Ivan looked at people creepily and couldn't even form words without mumbling and stuttering like a fool.

Days passed on and Yao still avoided Ivan, until one day he walked up to him slowly, his normally cheerful aura not with him. Ivan tried to smile; he tried to hard not to make it a creepy smile either. He must have given Yao a nice smile, because he smiled back. The dark haired man had stood in front of him, pressing a hand to Ivan's cheek and sighing softly. Ivan looked into his eyes, and they were the eyes of a sad man. Yao let out a quiet breath, arm shaking nervously. Ivan just gave him a look of worry and confusion. He forced himself to ask the man if he was alright, even though it came out sounding so pathetic. Yao just looked at the ground, patting Ivan's cheek and stepping away again.

"My life is too busy for love, farewell, Ivan."

Those were the last words Ivan heard from Yao, and as they sunk in he felt his heart break. He had thought that maybe, finally, someone would love him and hold him at night and tell him he matters. But oh, he was so naïve to have believed such a thing! Ivan kicked the ground angrily, turning off and heading back to his lonesome little home. He furiously tried to hold back tears; he was a full grown man, for goodness sakes! Or was he? Ivan thought he was more like a lonely little child.

Ivan did not believe that Yao's life was 'too busy'. Rather, it was that he wasn't the same energetic man Yao had fallen in love with. He would never be good enough! Destined to die alone, no one would ever love him! Ivan collapsed on his bed, curling up into a ball and covering his head as he cried like the pathetic person he was.

He just wanted someone to love him, and it hurt him so much that the only way he even got close to being loved was by being controlled by someone else. He had not been loved for being him, and it made him think, why did he try so hard everyday? The only person who had ever shown interest him had only did so because he was not himself. That truly said a lot about his life. Ivan rolled onto the floor, opening a bottle of vodka and just drinking it relentlessly, just trying to forget everything. But he just cried more, because he couldn't forget no matter how hard he tried.

Ivan Braginski was a pointless human, not even good enough to be loved.

Many more days passed, and Ivan just remained lonely and loveless. Then he decided, on a whim, he would buy some sunflower seeds, in hopes of growing the beautiful flower. He saw Yao while he was in town, but he just walked right past him. Yao made his heart hurt and he didn't like it. He planted the seeds when he returned home, talking to them about how he hoped they'd grow.

Ivan's wishes were supposedly heard, and over time the flower began to bloom. Ivan sat beside the flower for hour's everyday, just smiling.

He supposed he'd name his lovely sunflower something after a little while. After a long time of thinking about it, he decided on the perfect name for the flower.

Yao was what he wished to call it.

The sunflower, just the sight of it, warmed his heart just like Yao had done many times when they had talked. So he thought Yao was a fitting name for the flower. It was beautiful like him, too.

But, Ivan knew, the flower would one day die. And he'd be alone again.

"I just want someone to love me, it would be nice..." he muttered to the flower as he sat beside it, as if waiting for it to reply. Of course it never could, as it was just a flower. It was nothing more than a plant that was only springing into life to just die later. And he knew this, even as he continued to talk to it.

He could only dream of the days when Yao would take his hand and warm his heart.

Ivan didn't feel so lonely when he dreamt of Yao.

And so, he wished that he could dream forever.

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**why did i write this ivan bby im sorry**


End file.
